I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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