I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
