your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize