There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it hurts more in the daytime
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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