I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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