can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
