Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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