i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
