So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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