i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
