Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
