i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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