for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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