consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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