You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
