You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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