so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
