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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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