Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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