You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
