he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i came on her dog
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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