just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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