I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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