I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
