I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
