Duck Duck Cougar?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
