I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
