It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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