my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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