I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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