Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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