ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
