In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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