he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
