Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
