better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
