its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're like the curious george of whores
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
