There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
