Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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