I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am one with the molecules
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
