Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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