he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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