69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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