You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
