laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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