And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
