Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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