you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
