So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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