He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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