So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
