I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
