I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize