How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
