I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
