i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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