You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize