gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
