are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
