awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
