If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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