They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
