dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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