I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
