So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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