Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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