I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
