i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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