it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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