you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
