dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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