I wish I only lived at night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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