theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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