he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
