The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize