Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
