i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize