he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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