Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
