thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
