Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
