ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
