how can u be prego again
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
