I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
