What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
