u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
