I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
