I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
