I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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